Things I’m thankful for this Destiel Day:
- Dean Winchester
- All the sweet, supportive fellow shippers I’ve met.
- The awesome fanfiction writers for moving me like no book can and writing every scenario or AU that TV networks wouldn’t dare air.
- The kickass artists for bringing every fantasy so beautifully and colorfully to life.
- The graphics makers for the beautiful edits, kiss gifs and photosets that seriously belong in a museum.
- The meta writers who tear my heart in half but bring so much nuance and meaning to every facet of this ship.
- The vid makers who cut clips and songs with the dexterity of a heart surgeon and bring them together into something exquisite.
- All you cuties
Thank you so much, babe, ily
I think that very well may have something very important to do with it, yes. Dean has been drinking and fucking his whole adult life to try and fill the emptiness inside him, or at least dull it and quiet the loneliness and the pain, so it makes total sense that those coping habits wouldn’t just disappear. Demons might be dark and twisted, but two things they’re not are a) completely without emotions or the ability to care, b) free of the personality traits they had as humans. Demons are the worst versions of whoever they used to be.
I was really struck by all of the shots of Dean in the new promo, because not only is he drinking heavily, to me he just looks fucking miserable.
(gifs by crossroadscastiel)
Like he doesn’t even look like a carefree fratboy or a sadistic psychopath, he looks like an absolutely miserable guy aware that he just had his humanity ripped out and he’s stuffing booze and sex into the hole left behind. Obviously demon!Dean is cold, able to even try to kill Sam, but he’s not a monster wearing Dean’s face, he is Dean. And much as I would have loved to see Dean as a terrifying knight of hell, Abbadon-style, Dean at his worst is an alcoholic sex addict running from both his problems and the people who would try to save him.
It’s almost as though he hates himself but he doesn’t care that he hates himself anymore. The rage of the hatred is there, but not the compassion and guilt and conscience and need for love that made him hate himself to begin with. Like you said, that emptiness is still inside him, probably screaming louder than ever, so he’s desperately shoving every vice and every ‘drug’ he can find - sex, alcohol, violence, killing - into that emptiness, but it just doesn’t satisfy.
Even demons can desire love and approval, like Meg did, but even as a demon Dean doesn’t seem to realize that this is what he’s truly craving - either that or he even still doesn’t believe he deserves it.
I’ve been thinking about this all day, omigosh. I think it’s safe to say that demons aren’t necessarily the 100% dark and bloodthirsty; it’s more shades of gray. Humans have both good and bad (light and dark, if you will) in them, but demons are stripped of the good. The good part feels emotional and mental pain acutely, but it also includes traits like compassion and empathy and hope that can help cope. As a human, Dean had a terrible weight to carry on his shoulders, but his love for Sam and Cas and all that makes him the Righteous Man kept him going. Without it, demon Dean is ostensibly very self-absorbed, self-indulgent, and violent. But like you said, these are just methods to attempt to fill the hole. If there was ever a perfect Hell for Dean, it would be this.
This is more feels than I bargained for…